He won't talk about our future

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There is no rush. I envy him in a lot of ways. I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 27.

Let's just get this out of the way: This post will not tell you how to talk about the future of your relationship without ruining everything. We have about a year and four months of distance left until we have the possibility of being in the same place together. That is, we made it too easy for our partners.

He won't talk about our future

Hello, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 1. He's 30, I'm 26. I would describe our relationship as great for most of the time- He basically wants to spend all of his free time with me, he always texts and calls me when he's working or we cannot be together for another reason , he tells me frequently that he loves me I do tell him a lot as well , we're cuddling and kissing a lot, I know all of his friends and family. He seems very happy in our relationship and so am I- usually. The thing that is bothering me is that we never talk about our future together. He never brings up topics like marriage or kids I don't want them now but in the next few years.. I brought it up twice and both times he doesn't really feel comfortable with that topic. He doesn't really talk much and gives me short answers instead. During our last conversation about that of course our conversation wasn't interview-like as it looks below, but I just wanna sum it up he told me these things: Me: Do you ever wanna get married? Him: Yes, I guess. Although, my opinion of marriage is not the highest. I think people just get married to have a contract on their relationship, which is really stupid. Me: Do you ever want kids? Him: Yes, but first I wanna do a lot of other stuff. I'm not thinking about that yet. Me: Can you imagine me being the woman you have all these things with in the future? But I'm not really thinking about that honestly. Me: Do you think you and I will be together for the rest of our lives? Him: I don't know. Never know what life brings. I'm a realist and you can never make promises. Me: Can you be faithful to a person for the rest of your life? Him: Yes, I think. But I can never make promises to never cheat. Neither can anyone else in this world. You can never predict life. I'm not planning to cheat nor am I looking for another girl, but these are just promises nobody can ever make. Me: Do you want to spend the rest of your life with just one person? Him: It would be nice, but I don't know if it works. Me: Do you want a future with me? Am I special to you? Him: Yes, of course. Why would I be with you if I wasn'tz happy and if you weren't special to me. Me: Why do you never wanna talk about the future? Him: Because I live in the present. I don't wanna get crazy thinking about the future. So yea, I don't really know what to think. Is that just the way guys are or the way he is? Or do his answers imply that he's actually not that into me and doesn't seem to want a future with me? What do you guys think? I think it's fairly likely you don't want the same things in life, and don't have the same approach to looking toward the future, and believe me that it's better to know and accept and deal with that that now than, say, five years in. I don't want to be the voice of doom, but REALLY LISTEN to what he is saying, and listen just as hard to what's going unsaid. Is fine, but only if you're with somebody else who is similarly noncommittal. Um, sure, I guess... If you want to be with somebody who isn't so transparently dedicated to keeping his options open, find a different boyfriend. That wouldn't work for me personally. If you are in a serious relationship you should be prepared to have serious thoughts and discussion. You can't leave everything up in the air or for the other person to decide. As in, where is this whole arrangement headed and will it always be this way? That's nothing anyone but yourself can decide. Face it, he doesn't want to make a commitment. My guess is that you are going to have to open up and say what's on your mind and lay your cards on the table, what you are thinking, what you want out of life, what you want from him in your relationship. It may scare him off. He's heard plenty of marriage horror stories by now, and may be very reluctant to make a permanent relationship and have kids. Marriage today is a bad deal for men. If there is a divorce, the wife can ruin his life so that he doesn't see his kids much, but makes big payments for child support and maybe alimony. Prenups are often thrown out, so those don't help much Women file divorce in 70% of the cases. Men can be jailed for non payment of child support, even if the amount is excessive. You might consider that this is on his mind, and have an honest conversation about all the issues concerning marriage and family. It usually doesn't turn out like the fairy tales. Hello, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 1. He's 30, I'm 26. I would describe our relationship as great for most of the time- He basically wants to spend all of his free time with me, he always texts and calls me when he's working or we cannot be together for another reason , he tells me frequently that he loves me I do tell him a lot as well , we're cuddling and kissing a lot, I know all of his friends and family. He seems very happy in our relationship and so am I- usually. The thing that is bothering me is that we never talk about our future together. He never brings up topics like marriage or kids I don't want them now but in the next few years.. I brought it up twice and both times he doesn't really feel comfortable with that topic. He doesn't really talk much and gives me short answers instead. During our last conversation about that of course our conversation wasn't interview-like as it looks below, but I just wanna sum it up he told me these things: Me: Do you ever wanna get married? Him: Yes, I guess. Although, my opinion of marriage is not the highest. I think people just get married to have a contract on their relationship, which is really stupid. Me: Do you ever want kids? Him: Yes, but first I wanna do a lot of other stuff. I'm not thinking about that yet. Me: Can you imagine me being the woman you have all these things with in the future? But I'm not really thinking about that honestly. Me: Do you think you and I will be together for the rest of our lives? Him: I don't know. Never know what life brings. I'm a realist and you can never make promises. Me: Can you be faithful to a person for the rest of your life? Him: Yes, I think. But I can never make promises to never cheat. Neither can anyone else in this world. You can never predict life. I'm not planning to cheat nor am I looking for another girl, but these are just promises nobody can ever make. Me: Do you want to spend the rest of your life with just one person? Him: It would be nice, but I don't know if it works. Me: Do you want a future with me? Am I special to you? Him: Yes, of course. Why would I be with you if I wasn'tz happy and if you weren't special to me. Me: Why do you never wanna talk about the future? Him: Because I live in the present. I don't wanna get crazy thinking about the future. So yea, I don't really know what to think. Is that just the way guys are or the way he is? Or do his answers imply that he's actually not that into me and doesn't seem to want a future with me? What do you guys think? At least he's honest.. Guys are very well capable of talking about the future and about how they feel towards you, and they do mention it if they are considering it. They don't always avoid the topic. But, if you want to find someone to marry and have kids with, and he's not quite there yet..? You're taking a huge risk by staying, and leaving is also not always easy but a breakup where you can both be rational about the situation and remain friends isn't a bad option either. I'll keep checking back for post 2 on this one. Such a story for a first time poster, I wonder if some of these people take a class on. PS ~~ This statement quoted from the original poster sounds almost word for word like a statement made in a thread within the past week but I don't remember which one. Neither can anyone else in this world. You can never predict life. I'm not planning to cheat nor am I looking for another girl, but these are just promises nobody can ever make.

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and live in different cities 1. U can anyone else in this world. I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 27. Do they want kids. Concrete plans for the weekend elude him, let alone plans for going home for Christmas, getting our own place next year, the possibility of living anywhere other than New Nagasaki boyfriend wont talk about future having a family ever. For some reason, this hurts my feelings. That wouldn't work for me personally. I'm trying to enjoy our time together as much as possible right now; I'll definitely always have great memories of my first love. It allowed me to see where his difference was at and it allowed me to process what he was saying while I was listening. If your boyfriend avoids the future every time you bring it up or someone else does -- whether that's the possibility of you guys taking a trip to Florida in six months time, or even note going to a new movie next week -- then you can be totally sure that he doesn't see that happening. If he's pulling away from you, then that's a really obvious sign that he's having second thoughts about this relationship.